


No Handlebars

by HelloTragic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:17:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15605118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloTragic/pseuds/HelloTragic
Summary: Before moving to the city he’d thought his days back at school in London had been wild, but American’s put the British to shame with their attempts at debauchery.Or that fic where Killian and the guys rent a barcycle for the night and everything goes wrong…but there's this blonde he keeps seeing, and she's an angel





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pirateherokillian (Pirateherokillian)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pirateherokillian/gifts).



> Dearest Pip, I hope this puts some pep in your step today.

                                           

* * *

 

 

“A barcycle. What the hell is a bloody barcycle?”

 

Killian Jones had heard of all sorts of strange things since he’d moved to Boston three years before for college. He’d been completely taken aback when Victor Whale had scored them all an invitation to the Alpha Tau’s annual ‘pimps and hoes back to school’ party their freshman year. Then there had been spring break. He’d thought his days back at school in London had been wild, but American’s put the British to shame with their attempts at debauchery.

 

So he really shouldn’t have been surprised at the idea of a mobile method of imbibing, yet he was.

 

“What part is tripping you up mate? The bar part or the cycle part?”

 

Will Scarlet, Wanker of Willington, had moved to the states at roughly the same time as Killian, but as the less studious of the two, armed with much lower standards that Killian, Will had found himself with more free time to explore the city.

 

“I got that much, mate.” Killian made sure to pop the t just has his hand made contact with the back of Will’s head. “I just can’t fathom people actually drinking while on bicycles. I thought this place had laws against that sort of thing.”

 

“Well for starters,” David cut in, “you won’t be on a bicycle. It’s more like sitting at a table that has pedals.”

 

Robin, who’d been oddly quiet during the discussion had scrunched up his face.

 

“And secondly, it’s not illegal. They have a liquor license. As long as your butt is in the seat, you can drink. Once you get off, you have to wait until you’re in the bar to have more.”

 

“Wait. If I’m already sitting at the bar, why on earth are we stopping at other bars?”

 

Killian was glad to see someone else just as perplexed by the entire thing as he was.

 

“Look, I have to run. You’ll see it when you get there. Just be at The Frog’s Pond at nine sharp.”

 

With that David grabbed his book-bag and headed out for his final exam of their junior year.  Killian had taken his last one that morning, on very little sleep thanks to the base thumping from the apartment next door.  If it kept up much longer, he was going to find a way to convince Dave and Rob that they’d all need to find a new place after their lease was up the next month.

 

Killian grumbled as his head hit the back of the couch, earning him a chuckle from Robin.

 

“Come on. It’s not as bad as all of that is it?”

 

Killian grumbled once more and the grin his friend had been sporting fell.

 

“It’s one night, and to be honest, I think it’s time you started getting out again. It’s been three months since Milah broke up with you.”

 

“Oi, I didn’t know we were allowed to start using her name again!”

 

Killian rolled his eyes at Will’s flippant remark. The guys had actually all been pretty good about not mentioning her in recent months. Not since she dumped him for a much older medieval history professor. His only solace had been the rumors that he’d dumped her a few weeks earlier so he could pursue one of the literary grad students instead.

 

“You know what? You’re absolutely right, and I’m going to start with getting out of here right now.”

 

Killian grabbed his coat and left for the coffee house around the corner, ignoring his friend’s groans as he did so. The coffee shop had always been his little haven. His roommates tended to shy away from any establishment that didn’t serve alcohol or greasy food, and the shop afforded him a quiet atmosphere to study in. Now, it was just as escape from his well meaning but overbearing friends.

 

The whole night had started off as just one of those vague ideas that he never expected to actually come to fruition. Graham’s birthday had been two weeks earlier and they’d been knee deep in the books studying for finals (or at least most of them had) so Victor had suggested just waiting until the end of term and doing something special to celebrate both occasions.

 

His mates had been a little tipsy at the time and he’d expected them to have forgotten about it, but low and behold, they hadn’t. Whale had even gone so far as to book the barcycle for the entire evening.

 

Killian made his way to the counter, ready to order his usual, when he stopped short. There, ordering the last vanilla cupcake and a hot cocoa with cinnamon was a blonde goddess. He’d been so taken with her that he’d missed the barista calling for him to place his order, and when the woman turned back to see what all of the fuss was about, he’d realized that he’d been staring and started to blush furiously.

 

To spare himself any further embarrassment he stepped up to the counter to order his latte, but when he turned back she was gone. He stayed there for a few hours just watching people and thinking about the woman he’d missed.

 

Back at his apartment he’d been pleasantly surprised to find it empty and quiet. The neighbor next door must have finally left for his own exams. Well that or he’d stroked out from the constant noise. Either way, Killian was glad for it as he toppled over into his bed to nap.

 

* * *

 

The pounding was back, a photo frame on his wall nearly falling off as the beat bombarded him once more. He looked at his watch. Seven. Not quite early enough to head to the bar, but not late enough to hope he could tough it out either. He shot a text off to Graham, whose apartment was only a few blocks away to let him know he was heading over.

 

They watched the tail end of Back to the Future, cheering as Marty McFly and his girlfriend crammed into the delorean with the Doc and took off. By the time the final credits played, it was almost nine and time to head down to the bar. When he and Graham arrived though, it was to find and aggravated Victor yelling at a random guy while David, Robin, and a few other guys they knew sat and watched.

 

“What’s wrong with Victor?”

 

“Apparently they accidentally gave our barcycle out to another group?” Will didn’t sound entirely sure.

 

“No,” interrupted Victor, who was apparently finished dressing down one of the employees. “They actually just double booked us. From what I understand though there is another one coming in about twenty minutes though.”

 

Killian watched as the guy disappeared into the bar and reappeared carrying a small cardboard box.

 

“Look, man. I’m really sorry about the mix up, but to make it up to you we have some free beer koozies for all of you.”

 

Victor scoffed, taking the proffered koozie.

 

> _Tonight I was a hero. I found a beer that was trapped inside a bottle and I rescued it._

 

Cleaver.

 

With twenty minutes to kill, the guys all headed inside bar, coined The Frog Pond for their drink staple. A blue concoction made with eight different rums and god knew what else. The bartender had warned them that they were large drinks meant for sharing, but being the manly men that they were, sharing was out of the question. Instead each guy ordered their own, all cheersing and taking a gulp at the same time.

 

It was disgusting. Possibly the worst drink Killian had ever had in his life, and judging by the grimaces on his compatriots faces, they all agreed as well. At sixteen bucks a pop though, Killian had refused to _not_ finish it. The rest of the guys had managed to chug theirs down as well, all except Robin who was struggling with each gulp he took. Finally, he conceded defeat and set the still half full bowl back on the table. Remised to waste alcohol, Killian downed the rest of Robin’s drink in one go.

 

Killian was starting to feel the buzz as their barcycle pulled up looking worse for the wear. Three of the seats were missing pedals and the music coming through the speaker system was more static than anything.

 

“You’re kidding me right? This is the joke bike you bring out to get the crowd laughing before the real one shows up, right?”

 

Victor had a point. Graham had looked up the rental agency and Whale was splashing out a few hundred dollars.

  
“Again, I’m sorry. One of the owners is in New York and he approved a booking over the phone for a bunch of girls without looking at the schedule first. It’s this guy or nothing.”

 

Whale grumbled and David tried to tell him it would be okay. As the three men attempted to bargain for a new price, Will and some other blokes loaded a large cooler full of beer into the center of the death mobile and climbed on board, ready to continue their drinking endeavors.

 

Eventually the three men came to an understanding and joined them on the barcycle. The driver explained to the them the premise. They had three hours to hit as many bars as possible, but that would all depend on them. On how hard they rode and how long they wanted to stay at each place.

 

“Wait a sec. I thought these things had motors on them.”

 

“Ya, about that. This is actually one of our older carts. It’s a little old school as in they didn’t start putting engines on them until about two years ago.”

 

Killian could see Victor’s patience slipping with each passing minute, and while he hadn’t been all that intrigued by the entire idea in the beginning, he reminded himself that it was, in part, to celebrate Graham’s birthday, and he didn’t want the occasion to be ruined before it even started.

 

He bent over the bar and reached into the cooler grabbing our a beer for each man.

 

“Well lads, to long nights and the drinks that get us through!”

 

All of the men cheered, including Whale and began drinking.

 

Since three of the seats where basically useless, they’d agreed to change seats each time they stopped at a new bar. The driver called out for them to pedal harder and each man took it as his own personal challenge to get them up the hill. A test for sure, but Killian Jones was never one to turn down a challenge.

 

His legs were burning the entire way around the block to the next bar and when he stepped down from his seat, they almost gave out underneath him. The others seemed a little less wobbly. It was only made worse when he looked over and saw that they had parked right next to another cart, a much newer and nicer cart.

 

“Okay, gentleman. Henry’s is our first stop. Make sure the show them your wrist bands if you want the discounts on the special drinks.”

 

“Wait.” Will had stopped dead in his tracts halfway down the sidewalk. “What wristbands?”

 

“Oh, shit. Sorry guys. I totally forgot.”

 

“Bloody wanker. The man’s already toasted.”

 

Will had a point. The driver had been out of sorts back at their starting point, but Killian had just assumed he was overwhelmed from the change in plans, but now it was clear as day. The man had obviously been drinking on his last tour.

 

The driver ran back up to the cart and thumbed around in an overhead compartment for a while before returning with a sheet of red wristbands. He tore them apart one by one and attached them to each man’s right wrist.

 

“Ok, so like I was saying, show your wrist band and you’ll get three dollar shots or five dollar shots with a beer chaser.”

 

The only upside so far had been that the driver seemed to know the bouncer and the men were all allowed to skip the incredibly long line that had formed out front. Killian was just about to step through the door after showing the man his ID when he stopped short, catching a flash of flaxen hair. His breath caught as she passed by him, but she was gone just as quickly as she’d appeared and he’d never actually caught a glimpse of her face.

 

“Oi, earth to Killian. You coming?”

 

Killian shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts of the woman from the coffee shop. There was no way it had been her. Boston was a huge city filled with blondes. The probability of see her was next to nothing, but still, he couldn’t ignore the way his heart has started beating just a little bit harder.

 

“Uh, ya, coming.”

 

The men stayed there for about thirty minutes. The driver knew the bartenders well enough and had secured a drink for himself easily enough, but the rest of the group had been left to fend for themselves. The two bartenders on hand were both male and clearly more pressed with serving the gaggle of girls waiting. It wasn’t until a female bartender reemerged from the back that they received any service.

 

They threw back their shots and chugged their beers. He wasn’t quite drunk yet, but he was beginning to feel the effects of his libations on the walk back to the cart. The three broken seats filled up quickly and Killian was once again forced to pedal for his life as Robin took his turn in handing out drinks to all of the men.

 

The next bar was luckily just at the opposite end of the block and only took about two minutes to arrive at. The White Rabbit. Killian had been there once before in his sophomore year, but that had been the night he’d met Milah. He’d taken so many shots to build up the courage to talk to her that he’d actually blacked out later on, waking up the next day back in his bathroom huddled naked in the bathtub. It had taken three more meetings before Milah had even given him the time of day after that. He should have known then how fickle her love could be.

 

Bad memories of all of their fights flooded through his head and he wasted no time in ordered a double rum, throwing it back and then ordering another.

 

“I heard she got kicked out.”

 

Killian’s head snapped up to meet Arthur King’s eyes.

 

“You were with Milah, right?”

 

“Aye.”

 

Arthur had always seemed like a good enough guy based on the little Killian knew about him, if not a little pompous. But David had vouched for him.

 

“I know what happened with you two. Dave told me.”

 

“And what of it?”

 

“I just thought it might help you to know she got kicked out of school last week.”

 

Killian’s brow rose as he took in Arthur’s words.

 

“Ya, she uh, wasn’t doing too well in Dr. Hopper’s class and she tried to offer him the same deal she gave Gold.”

 

He couldn’t help the way the laugh barked out of him at the image of Milah attempted to seduce an ethics professor. It shouldn’t have given him the pleasure it did, knowing that Milah had been kicked out of school so close to graduation, but a part of him felt pleased. Arthur walked away to rejoin David as Killian sat at the bar smiling.

 

The third bar was called Pub Parliament, in what most would think as a call back to British culture, but in actuality the place was anything but. It was filled with girls grinding to dirty music that left your eardrums crying for days. Killian had been ready to leave the moment they stepped inside, not even bothering to grab a drink. He was already pleasantly tippsy from the previous bars and from Arthur’s revelation. He just wanted to move on before his mood could be spoiled.

 

But then he caught a glimpse of golden tresses again, swaying in the crowd on the dance floor and his legs compelled him to move closer. As she jumped up and down to the music, her hair rose and fell like like the sun rising and setting each day. And then she turned around, catching his gaze with her stunning green eyes and Killian melted. It was her, his coffee house goddess.

 

He smiled, giving her the goofiest grin his could manage thanks to all ot the alcohol in his system. And then his bliss was over thanks to Victor and Victor’s raging hormones.

 

“Oh gentlemen, what do we have here? Has the universe seen fit to smile upon us?”

 

The group of guys all rushed towards the woman as Killian stood back, his view of her blocked. Aggravated once more, Killian made his way to the bar to order a shot of tequila. Not his favorite by any means but he needed something with a kick if he was going to have to hear about how some girl’s ass felt pressed against Victor’s crotch while they danced. Especially if that girl was the one he’d been fawning over all day.

 

He felt a warm body crash into his at the bar and was just about to tell them off but then it spoke up with an angelic voice.

 

“Make that two.”

 

She gave him a wry grin, one that rivaled the most stunning of sights.

 

“Emma.”

 

“Killian.”

 

He couldn’t stop smiling.

 

“Killian, huh? That’s not one you hear every day.”

 

“No, I, uh, guess not.”

 

God, he was a fool.

 

The bartender returned with their shots.

 

“So what’s up with the big guys night out?”

 

Kilian tilted his head questioningly at her.

 

“Well normally when guys go out, it’s just two or three of them. I guess it’s easier to score that way or something.” She’d leaned considerably closer as she spoke above the music on the dance floor. “But there’s got to be at least ten of you out here, so what is it? Bachelor party?”

 

Killian nearly choked at the idea of any of the guys he was with getting married. Aside from David’s brief relationship with Kathryn freshman year, not of them had ever been in a serious relationship has far as he’d known.

 

“No. It’s one of the guys birthday. Or it was two weeks ago but with finals we’re just not getting around to celebrating.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

Killian was vexed by the entire conversation. She wasn’t flirty with him, that much he’d determined, but she seemed content to linger with him by the bar.

 

“Would you like another drink?”

 

She looked back to the wall of alcohol and shook her head instead.

 

“No, I should probably get back to my friends.”

 

“Ah,” disappointment seeping into every bit of his being. “And what are you fine ladies celebrating?”

 

“Bachelorette party.”

 

Killian’s eyes widened as he looked down to both of her hands, praying not to find a ring there. He wasn’t sure if he could handle the idea of her already being taken.

 

“My friend Anna just got engaged.”

 

He followed her line of sight, seeing a young girl with two braids dancing around with another girl.

 

“She’s so young though.”

 

He hadn’t even meant to say it out loud, but Emma just giggled.

 

“Don’t worry. It won’t last. This is her second engagement this year.”

 

When Killian looked back he noticed that the group of girls was much closer that time, walking towards him.

 

“Emma!” one of them screamed. “It’s time to blow this popsicle stand!”

 

Emma shook her head at her friend.

 

“Guess I’ll see you around, Jones.”

 

Killian turned and watched her leave, too awestruck the realize he he hadn’t even asked for her phone number or last name even. Too dumbstruck to realize she’d used _his_ last name. She turned at the door and gave him a wink before slipping outside.

 

He was fucked.

 

Turning around he ordered one more shot and downed it immediately before finding the rest of the guys still on the dance floor.

 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally the fluffy fluff and angst writer can make.

 

They’d been lucky. There had been a mix up of some sort as the guy on the phone had described it when he’d called earlier to tell her that their group should arrive early if they wanted the better barcycle. He’d explained that due to the double booking they were having to pull an old bike out of storage, one without the engine that would make the night much more enjoyable. Emma had scrambled, calling all of the girls trying to get them ready thirty minutes earlier than planned. A feat to be sure considering the number of outfits strewn about on Ruby’s floor.

 

She’d had to practically wrestle Ruby in to the black and red strapless dress barely giving any thought into her own outfit. Instead she’d grabbed the closest thing to her. It wasn’t to say that red wasn’t her color, but she hadn’t been a fan of the way the bottom had been riding up on her all night, nor of the way she had to continually remind herself to keep her legs shut while sitting down at the barcycle. _Thank god it had a motor!_

 

The first bar had been shit. They’d arrived early as planned, too early even and had time to kill. She’d barely made it inside when a fishbowl sized green concoction had been set in front of her. Eight different rums had gone into it according to Mary Margaret. Emma had only managed about two sips before her face scrunched up in a look of total disgust. While she hadn’t wanted to get drunk, she planned on having at least one or two drinks that evening.

 

The second bar hadn’t been much better. It was dirty and grimy and Emma had to lace the toilet seat in the ladies room with no less than three layers of toilet paper before she felt comfortable sitting down.

 

When she came back out, all of her friends were taking tequila shots poured from a bottle that even she wouldn’t drink from. Elsa made a toast to Anna and Emma found herself choking down a laugh. It’s not that she begrudged her friend any happiness, but Anna had a habit of jumping into relationships and it hadn’t even been six months since her last proposal. A guy named Hans that she’d met as a party. She hadn’t even bothered learning his last name before she accepted. Needless to say the relationship had crashed and burned, and Emma couldn’t help but wonder how long she’d be wearing Kristoff’s ring.

 

Letting her mood sour, she made her way to the bar for a beer hoping to take the edge off of her sorrows. Emma had no room to judge Anna. She hadn’t exactly been in a successful relationship worth bragging about, in - well - ever. Hell, she hadn’t even been able to bring herself to talk to her newest crush in the coffee shop, choosing to run away while he was giving his name for his own coffee.

 

When the bike driver had told them it was time to move on, Emma downed the rest of her beer and headed for the door with the other girls, but as she got close to the door, she caught a glimpse of a familiar face. Blush crept up her neck at the sight of him, his inky black hair, his too blue eyes, the way his shirt had been unbuttoned just enough to reveal a hint of dark chest hair. She’d nearly stumbled over her own feet trying to move to Ruby’s other side to hide her face.

 

And when she got back on the bike, she’d clinched her legs together for an entirely different reason.

 

Ruby had noticed the way her cheeks had pinkened even in the dim street light and Emma had to thank every God there’d ever been that Ruby had kept her mouth shut. Or at least she’d kept her lips zipped until the were in the next bar.

 

“Spill.”

 

Emma had almost spit out her water, not having realized that Ruby had been so close.

 

“I think I just did,” she snarked out as she grabbed some napkins to clean up the mess she’d made when she jumped.

 

“Whatever it is that’s got you acting so squirrely.”

 

“I’m not-”

 

“Ohhhhhhh no you don’t. I know. You’re fine. Except that you’re not. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you almost ran out of that last bar, or that dreamy look you had in your eyes back there on the bike.” Ruby’s grin turned feral. “So who is he?”

 

Emma let out a groan in defeat.

 

“It’s Jones.”

 

“Wait, the guy from-”

 

“Yes,” Emma hissed, covering Ruby’s mouth with her hand. “But that’s all you’re getting.”

 

Without missing a beat, Emma headed to the dance floor to join the other girls, knowing the music would be too loud for Ruby to continue her interrogation. They bounced and moved to the music and Emma felt only the slight buzz from her earlier beer. She really should have eaten before.

 

And then she felt it. A magnetic pull of sorts and when she looked up, those gorgeous blue eyes were looking right at her. She turned quickly, not trusting herself not to blush again. But she hadn’t been as discreet as she’d hoped. With a strong shove of an elbow to her ribs and one wide eyed look from Ruby, Emma found herself headed to the bar.

 

She’d heard him order a shot and without thinking, she put her foot in her mouth and asked for one too. Schooling her features in an effort to disguise her embarrassment, she managed a small smile before he turned to look at her. His eyes widened and she thought he might have recognized her, but he gave no indication, and with her nerves still getting the best of her, she offered him her hand.

 

“Emma.”

 

“Killian.”

 

A smile formed in his lips and it was dazzling.

 

“Killian, huh? That’s not one you hear every day.”

 

“No, I, uh, guess not.”

 

She watched as his hand moved up to scratch a spot just behind his ear, and for the first time, she realized that maybe the attraction wasn’t as one-sided as she had first thought. Of course, he could just as equally have been uncomfortable for another reason. They hadn’t exactly gotten off on the best foot after all.

 

The bartender returned with their shots.

 

“So what’s up with the big guys night out?”

 

God, she felt like a fifth grader trying to flirt with a boy for the first time. Back then it had been Billy Conners. They’d been friends, or at least she thought they had. But when she tried to flirt with him before the Sadie Hawkins dance, he’d just laughed at her, before moving to sit next to Sarah Baxter. Granted, Sarah had blossomed rather early on, and she should have expected him to prefer a girl with a real bra over her training one, but it had still stung.

 

He was just watching her.

 

_Say something, Emma. Anything!_

 

“Well normally when guys go out, it’s just two or three of them. I guess it’s easier to score that way or something.” She’d leaned into him. The music was hard to hear over. “But there's got to be at least ten of you out here, so what is it? Bachelor party?”

 

It was only after he’d flushed bright red that she’d realized that she’d insinuated he was out looking for sex.

 

“No. It’s one of the guys birthday. Or it was two weeks ago but with finals we’re just now getting around to celebrating.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

Emma Swan. Queen of awkward flirting.

 

“Would you like another drink?”

 

She looked back to the wall of alcohol and shook her head instead. Regrettably, she still had to be up early the next day.

 

“No, I should probably get back to my friends.”

 

“Ah. And what are you fine ladies celebrating?”

 

For just a moment, she’d thought he might have been disappointed, but he’d quickly changed topics and she’d figured she’d misread him.

 

“Bachelorette party.”

 

Killian’s eyes widened and he looked down to her hands.

 

“My friend Anna just got engaged.”

 

Emma turned her head to take in her friends. Anna had been dancing with the rest of the girls, completely happy and carefree.

 

“She’s so young though.”

 

“Don’t worry. It won’t last. This is her second engagement this year.”

 

She felt guilty for having said it outloud, but part of her just needed to let it out. To tell someone that she thought it was a mistake without getting all of the judgemental looks she knew her friends would have given her.

 

Before he could respond, she heard her name being called.

 

“Emma!” yelled Elsa. “It’s time to blow this popsicle stand!”

 

Emma shook her head at her friend.

 

“Guess I’ll see you around, Jones.”

 

“ _That’s_ the guy? Damn, he’s a looker!”

 

“God, Ruby. Could you have said that any louder?”

 

Ruby had never been one for personal boundaries, and Emma should have known better than to confided in her about the ‘hot guy’ she had a crush on, but her excitement at seeing him for the first time had been too much to hold it in.

 

“Wait, what guy?”

 

She shot her friend a look of warning before turning around to address the rest of the people walking back up to the barcycle they’d rented for the night to celebrate Anna’s engagement.

 

“There’s no guy, Elsa. Ruby’s just had a little too much to drink and you know how she gets.”

 

“Hey, I resemble that remark.” Ruby burst into giggles at her own joke, as did the rest of the group.

 

Emma, having been the only one in the group to work the next day had taken a pass on the most of the libations. As she took in her friends tipsy states only half way through the evening, Emma realized just how long a night she was in for.

 

She’d kept a weather eye out for him the rest of the evening, just to see if there was any chance of their paths crossing again, but it seemed fate wasn’t on her side. The whole point of hiring the barcycle as a large group was so that your group could decided how long to stay at each bar, and the last few had been a bit of a let down so the girls blasted through them.

 

She’d grown quite moody as the night edged on with still no sight of him. Elsa had gone so far as to call her prickly. Emma was honestly just ready to call it a night. They were leaving the second to last bar and Emma figured her friends were all drunk enough that they wouldn’t miss her if she snuck out at the last bar. Granted, she had Ruby had ridden together, but chances were her roommate wasn’t going back home with her anyway. Not if the way she’d been flirting with guys all night had meant anything.

 

So Emma sat her seat, grabbing a bottle of water out of the cooler Mary Margaret had brought, and settled in for her last trip on the barcycle. They’d just finished their count off, making sure each woman was on the bike as they started to head towards the final bar when Emma felt the weight of the bike shift under the additional body that had suddenly joined them.

 

Her head whipped to the side just in time to see blue eyes staring back at her.

 

“What- Are you a crazy person?”

 

“I prefer to think of it as a rasping dapscallion! Wait, no. Dashing Rapscallion!”

 

“A very drunk rapscallion apparently.”

 

Killian didn’t respond, just giving her a goofy grin instead.

 

“Uh, Emma. Would you care to introduce us to your friend?”

 

Emma looked around to find the eyes of every woman focused on the man beside her, along with the weary eyes of the driver.

 

“Guys,” she felt heat rising in her cheeks. “This is Killian.”

 

“Well welcome aboard, Killian.” The way Ruby had said it raised Emma’s hackles. It had been almost seductive, and Emma couldn’t help but notice the wolfish grin Ruby had given him as she appraised his form with her eyes.

 

Luckily for Emma, Mary Margaret had been clueless and in her tipsy state had managed to recapture Ruby’s attention.

 

“Music!”

 

Without any further prompting, Ruby plugged her phone back into the bike’s sound system and pulled up the same some they’d been listening to all night. Soon all of the women, with the exception of an all too sober Emma, were singing off key and off time from the song.

 

“What is this?”

 

She hadn’t expected him to be so close, but as he spoke into her ear Emma couldn’t help but shiver.

 

“It’s the theme song for the night. Have you never heard it?”

 

“No. Hey, wait-” Killian stopped briefly to look around. “How is this thing moving when no one is peddling?”

 

On her other side, Belle responded telling him that the bike had a motor. The pedals were just for decoration.

 

Killian shook his head and bit his lip, never taking his eyes off Emma. Not even for the caterwauling surrounding them. The guilt at stealing the better bike out from under him ate at her a little. She’d never been more grateful to see the Frog’s Pond before. Technically both the first and last bar of the evening.

 

 

All of the women went inside to order another round of awful blue drinks. Killian hadn’t moved from the bike though, just watching and smiling at her, occasionally adding in a giggle or two. Emma once again had flashbacks to Billy Connor. It was too much, so she excused herself to go inside, Killian following hot on her heels.

 

They’d been there for about fifteen minutes before realization hit Emma. Killian. He was drunk, too drunk to get home on his own, and she wondered if any of his friends missed him. If any of them were even worried about him.

 

But when she’d asked him about his friends, he’d waved her off, stating that she deserved his attention more. His _full_ and _prompt_ attention. He’d blushed as he said it, and nothing had ever been more enduring.

 

Ruby, on the other hand, had been a bit more brazen. Instead of asking him about his friends again, she chose to reach down into his front pocket, digging around for his phone. Killian hadn’t noticed, or at least he hadn’t seemed to mind, which irked Emma. When Ruby tried to subtly mouth the word ‘big’ to Emma, she’d actually found herself angry with her friend.

 

Sensing Emma’s mood, Ruby gave her an apologetic smile and tossed her Killian’s phone but not before clicking around in it for a while. Unsure of who she would even call, probably the same thing Ruby had considered, she dug through his call history and hit redial on the last dialed number.

 

“Killian! Where the hell are you?”

 

“Um, Killian is here at the Frog Pond.”

 

“Oh, shit. Is he okay?”

 

“Ya. No. I mean he’s fine but he’s really drunk and I know he was we a group of guys earlier tonight.”

 

“Wait, who is this?”

 

Emma started from the beginning, explaining to a man, Graham, how Killian had jumped on her barcycle and that he was still with her group. Graham had told her that they’d be there as soon as possible, and sure enough, ten minutes later the group of guys that Killian had been with arrived. Instead of coming to collect their friend though, most of the men ended up honing in on Emma’s friends. Soon enough, the guys were ordering another round of drinks for everyone, finding two large booths near the front window that could house all sixteen of them.

 

Emma had stopped Killian from drinking any more blue goo though, handing him a glass of water, which he gratefully accepted. She wasn’t quite sure how or when it had become decided, but at some point the group in the other booth had decided to go back to one of their apartments. Killian’s apartment to be exact.

 

She’d made sure that he’d completely finished his water before they left, and it seemed to have done wonders for his coordination if nothing else. He still had the giggles and a few hiccups escaped as they walked, but he seemed steady enough. Victor had said that they were only a fifteen minute walk away and since it was such a nice night they should all walk. Elsa and Anna had decided to call it quits already, having called Kristoff to come pick them up. Emma had considered getting a cab home so she could hide in her room, but considering his place was on the way to hers, she decided to go with everyone. She absolutely didn’t go with them just because she wanted to spend more time with Killian. Nope.

 

She _had_ however second guessed her choice as Mary Margaret had once again started singing a song that Emma had come to hate through the course of the night.

 

“I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars. I can ride my bike with no handlebars.”

 

It had taken less than a full verse of chorus before Ruby, Belle, and the others had joined in and she’d found herself groaning as they muddled their way through the rapping bits. Killian had even picked up a number of the lyrics from Ruby showing him the video as they waited on his friends to arrive.

 

_How have you never seen this? You have to come watch this, Killian._

 

Emma hadn’t missed the way Ruby had leaned into him, pushing her chest up into his line of sight either. Ya, she definitely wasn’t going back to Killian’s to make sure nothing happened between him and Ruby. Nope. The only thing keeping her sane at that point was knowing that Killian’s gaze had remained firmly affixed to the phone screen, like he hadn’t even noticed that Ruby was trying to seduce him.

 

Emma had been avoiding Ruby, not that it had been difficult. Ruby’s attentions had managed to shift to one of Killian’s friends, for the time being at least. She’d complained about her feet hurting and one of the guys, Victor maybe, had told her to hop on him piggy back style. Emma knew he had to have been getting tired, could actually see it in the way he had slowed down, but he never dropped her.

 

Then there had been Mary Margaret, who’d just stumbled for the third time in less than a quarter of a mile. They’d had to physically force her to remove her heels before she broke her neck. The only reason she’d even still been upright at that point was because Killian’s friend David had been hugging her to his side as he guided her down the sidewalk.

 

Regina and Robin had fallen behind the rest of the group. At some point, Regina had become so drunk that she started crying, incoherent sobs about how someone had told a secret of hers. Emma was positive that Regina hadn’t had a clue what she was talking about or where she was, but Robin had volunteered to walk with her and make sure she was alright.

 

Killian for his part had been the only one to really pay Emma any attention. He’d waxed poetic about how her hair rivaled the light of the sun. He’d offered to cover a puddle of water with his jacket. She’d refused, the puddle had been the size of an oreo cookie after all. He’d even started serenading her with something other than the stupid Handlebar song. He had been sweet and cute, and everything a young Emma had wanted from stupid Billy Conner. But older Emma was jaded and knew that it was just because he was drunk. She didn’t know anything about him, well aside from the fact that he had the voice of an angel, the face of a model, and that he liked boats.

 

But then the absolute most endearing thing ever happened, and if Emma had been the type to believe in soulmates, she would have claimed Killian right then and there as hers. They’d been almost there, his building in sight when the group heard a frightening sound, like a child screaming in fear. The tree above them shook and Killian pulled her back just in time for two racoons to fall in front of them.

 

All of the men jumped, almost running away in a show of cowardice, as one of the raccoons bolted, but Killian had grabbed the nearest stick and charged at the remained one while yelling “Rous!”

 

“It’s a raccoon, Killian.” Ruby had clearly missed the joke, but it hadn’t been lost on Emma.

 

_Rodents of unusual size._

 

It was her favorite movie after all. Emma smiled as she watched him flourish the stick like a sword, fending of the offended racoon. So what if the racoon slinked away of it’s own free will instead of rolling into a fire pit? Killian had still been her very own Dread Pirate Roberts.

 

Once they made it to Killian’s apartment building, David keyed in the code and held the door open for everybody. They all crowed in the elevator going up three floors before heading to the door at the end of the hall. David unlocked the door and everyone went inside. Everyone but Ruby, who had grabbed Emma’s arm just outside the door and pulled her further into the hallway.

 

“Are you mad at me?”

 

Emma just crossed her arms over her chest and leveled her with a look.

 

“Seriously? Emma, I wasn’t _really_ flirting with him.”

 

“Ya, you always throw you cleavage in the face of men you aren’t interested in.”

 

Ruby grinned her wolfish grin once more.

 

“Emma, I wasn’t flirting with him. Not really at least.”

 

Emma rolled her eyes.

 

“I just know you. You’ll dance around whatever it is you two have going on forever. I thought if I messed with him you might finally make a move to claim him. I mean, it’s already been what, three months?”

 

Emma almost choked on air as Ruby winked at her, leaving her alone in the hallway as she went to join the rest of the gang. She wasn’t alone long though. Before she knew it, Killian was at the door yelling something inside to the others about needing to find his Buttercup. She blushed at the comment before pushing him back into the apartment, closing the door behind them. The last thing she wanted was him pissing off all of the other neighbors at two in the morning.

 

While she’d been talking to Ruby in the hallway, Robin and David had managed to put some snacks together for everyone to help soak up soak of the booze. Killian was still a little wobbly on his feet so Emma guided him to the couch and made him a plate. He’d only made it two bites in when he quickly excused himself, saying he needed to use the restroom. Emma hadn’t thought much of it, having kept busy making sure all of her friends were eating and drinking water, but after Killian had been gone for twenty minutes, Emma had started to worry.

 

Wandering around the apartment, she finally managed to find his room. It was dark, but there was a small amount of light coming from under a door. Emma moved closer to knock on it, but before she could, she heard Killian let out a loud groan. She hesitate for just a moment, trying to decide if she should leave him be or not. She wasn’t stupid, she knew what guys did in private, especially when inhibitions had been lowered, but when he groaned again, she couldn’t help but push the door open.

 

Yes, she’d expected to find him in a slightly compromising position, but she hadn’t expected to find him huddle over the toilet hugging the sides as he threw up all of the alcohol in his system. When his eyes met hers they were so sad and defeated. Emma didn’t say anything, just walked back into the kitchen grabbing a glass and filling it with water. Killian was grateful when she returned, although obviously embarrassed.

 

“You shouldn’t have to see me this way.”

 

Emma just smile and used her fingers to brush the hair away from his forehead.

 

“And you shouldn’t have to be sick alone.”

 

Emma stayed with him there in the bathroom for another hour as his body continued to purge itself until there was nothing left. When she felt confident that he was done for the evening, she helped him up and guided him back into his bedroom, clicking on a bedside lamp. It was only in that dim light that she’d realized that not all of his sick had made it into the toilet, as he had staines on his shirt and jeans. Not wanting him to soil his bed, she carefully helped strip him of his shirt, trying to will away the heat warming her core at the sight of his chest. Getting his pants off had been a bit more of a challenge. They’d been skin tight and she’d literally had to peel them off of him, only to find that he’d chosen to forfeit his boxers for the evening.

 

She quickly averted her eyes and then pulled back the covers and waited for him to get in bed before covering him back up. Emma moved to leave, wanting to let him get some rest, but before she could leave, he’d called out to her.

 

“It’s late. You shouldn’t have to walk home alone.”

 

“What exactly are you proposing?”

 

She’d meant for it to be teasing, but with her own fatigue brewing, it had come out a little more accusatory.

 

“I- I just meant I could sleep on the floor and you could have my bed.”

 

She laughed a little. Even when he was sick and miserable, he was still possibly the most chivalrous man she’d ever met.

 

“It’s okay. I don’t live that far away.”

 

She stayed with him until he fell asleep, giving him a whispered kiss against his cheek as she left.

 

* * *

 

He was pleasantly drunk as they arrived at their second to last bar for the evening. Seeing Emma had driven away all thoughts of Milah, finals, and even the horrible nextdoor neighbor. He was happy and just inebriated enough to have forgotten about the smaller details in life (like not having a way to contact Emma). He’d also somehow come to not care about the fact that leading up to said bar, he’d been forced to sit in a seat once again with pedals.

 

And then things got hazy. He remembered a flash of blonde and getting back on the barcycle, or maybe it was the other way around? Either way, everything between midnight and that morning  was a blur. His head was throbbing and if his bedside alarm clock had been telling the truth, it was closing in on four in the afternoon.

 

When he made his way into the living room he found a worse-for-the-wear David laying face down in the couch and Will Scarlet on the floor in front of the tv nursing a bottle of water. Killian grumbled as he flopped into the only other chair in the room, and David mumbled something about it being too loud.

 

“What the hell happened last night?” he asked, hoping his friends had more recollection than he did.

 

Just then Robin emerged from his room and made his way to the kitchen, grabbing not one but two bottles of water from the fridge. He laughed taking in the scene around him.

 

“Oi, what are you laughing at?”

 

“You lot at a stain on the English name. Hungover after only a few drinks.”

 

The guys continued to banter for a while before Robin insisted he needed to get back to his room, still holding both water bottles, all of them knowing that meant he had a girl waiting for him. For a brief moment, Killian had been jealous. Not that Robin had been physical with a woman, but there was just something about waking up in an empty bed over and over again that made him feel lonely. 

 

“I’m surprised you’re not running off back to your room.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Killian scoffed at Will.

 

“Um, the blonde goddess you have in there. What did you call her? Your buttercup?”

 

With that, memories started flooding through Killian’s mind. Images of Emma, a song he couldn’t remember the words to, and a raccoon maybe? God, he’d been such an idiot the night before. And Emma, oh god, Emma had seen him throw up.

 

_ Bloody hell. _

 

Killian ran back to his room, ignoring his pounding head and the blaring music coming from next door to search for his phone, hoping maybe he’d dreamed it all. That he wouldn’t have a call to Graham in his recent history. No such luck. He wanted to cry, or die, maybe even both. 

 

He rocked himself on his bed clutching his phone for a few minutes, debating whether or not to give his neighbor a piece of his mind when the song playing through the wall changed.

 

_ I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars. _

 

Killian was sure his eyes were the size of saucers as the song continued to play on. It couldn’t be though. It wasn’t possible. There was no way she could have been living next door to him for three months unnoticed. Right?

 

Killian launched himself out of his apartment towards the door one over from him, wasting no time in knocking. And when the door opened, he’d deemed it nothing more than a miracle when he was greeted with hair brighter than the sun.

 

“Emma?”

 

“Sorry, was my music too loud?”

 

Emma winked at him and invited him in, offering him some coffee. As it turned out, she’d learned his name the day after she moved in when she accidently got some of his mail. She’d seen him in passing, but he’d always had his face glued to a textbook so he’d never noticed her back. And as for the the loud music, well Ruby had a voracious sexual appetite and it was the only way to drown out the noises her roommate made.

 

He spent the rest of the afternoon at her place, laying on the couch watching movies and talking and just getting to know each other.

 

And a month later, when their lease came up from renewal, Killian was the first to sign.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, feel free to come yell at my on tumblr: wellhellotragic


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